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 1. The number of mosquitoes at any given location is inversely proportional to the amount of insect repellent remaining.
2. The distance to a given camp site is constant as twilight approaches.
3. Any stone in a hiking boot will migrate to the point of maximum pressure.
4. The probability of dysentery increases with the square of the poison ivy content of the local vegetation.
5. Universally, all foods assume the uniform, taste, texture, and color when freeze-dried.
6. Tent stakes come only in quantity "N-1", where N=the number of stakes required to hold down the tent.
7. When utilizing a mummy bag, the urgency to urinate is inversely proportional to the amount of clothing worn.
8. Waterproof clothing isn't. It is however, 100% effective at retaining sweat.
9. Weight of the backpack increases in direct proportion to the amount of food consumed from it.
10. When hiking boots are removed, it is not possible to put them back on.
11. Water bottles that are full when packed, will spontaneously deplete prior to arrival at campsite.
12. Under any condition, matches will find a way to get wet.
13. A single rock located under a tent will also be found to relocate under the sleeping bag.
14. All tree branches grow outward at exactly the height of the human nose.
15. The sun sets 3.5 times faster than normal when setting up camp.
16. No matter where you are going it's the wrong path.
17. No matter where you end up it is the wrong campsite.
18. Blisters always occur in a triplet arrangement on the human foot.
19. Socks which are designated as "an dry extra pair" won't be.
20. The universal constants are rain, poison ivy, and spiders.
21.The amount of rain that falls in the middle of the night, in inches, is equal
to the distance you must travel to reach dry ground squared.
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